None of us can "do it all", but some of us just really stink at it.
Me.
I had a great summer - did lots of wonderful things. All of which I was intending to blog about. All summer.
But didn't.
I can't balance at all.
And then, I cried the first day of school.
What does that have to do with work/life balance, you ask? Nothing. Except I need to talk about the crying. So, I finally blog.
I haven't cried on the first day of school in my entire adult life. For me, the first day of school was always a relief! If there were any tears, they were tears of joy! I was glad that I had the house to myself and that my children were being taught, mentored and cared for by other people for 8 hours, Monday through Friday. I have talkative children. Active children. (Some) messy children.
But things have slowly grown more quiet at home. I have had the time - and if I am totally honest - the growing realization - that this group of talkative, messy, active children that are my own....well, they are flying the coop, one by one. And there is an awful lot of emptiness in these four walls. There is beginning to be an echo in my heart.
And on the first day of school, I crept upstairs to check in on Martha. You know, to see if she didn't hit the snooze button one too many times.
And there she was, at her desk. Applying make up (so unnecessary) and dressed in her FIRST DAY OF MY SENIOR YEAR SPECIAL OUTFIT.
Friends, what will I do? When she is gone. And my last big kid lives somewhere else and gets a life separate from my own?
Tears. Tears then and tears now.
It has gone so fast.
What? Oh, yes, I still have Michael - and what a joy he is. But my last big kid. Somehow, it is different. The end of an era. The bittersweet summation of a portion of my life that at many points I thought I wouldn't survive.
So, I am melancholy. I know.
It is just a "new chapter". And all that stuff you tell yourself to make it feel ok.
Thanks for listening. I feel better already!
~J
ok.... now I'm crying.
ReplyDeleteJoey starts his first day of his Junior year at Ithaca today. I've not seen him all summer. I won't see him until Thanksgiving. I'm so proud of him, so happy for him. But he's still my little boy. sometimes it's just good to cry. Love you.