Give Me A Call!

As I am writing this, I should be at the gym....my head and heart know this but my legs won't cooperate. They like living under the protective cover of cellulite and sweatpants. Besides, in the last week, I have read literally every fashion magazine that is published in the United States and they all state that women "of a certain age" shouldn't wear shorts. However, one particular article stated that after the age of 75, women could begin to wear shorts again - with their purple and red hats, of course. At that point, shorts are cute. In the way that purple and red hats are cute.

Whatever.

The "1", and the "2" keys don't work on our home phone. Can we talk about this? It isn't the actual equipment that doesn't work....I replaced all our phones about 3 months ago due to the loud static in the line.

No one wants credit for these problems.

Not the phone company, the cable company, the custom home audio company or the alarm company.

They have all come to my house, run tests and claimed it to be ....MY PROBLEM! I can only make out-going calls to people without a "1" or a "2" in their number. OR I can call the operator and ask her to dial it for me. But only if it is a local call.

What did you say? Use my cell phone? Great idea. Only my cell phone doesn't work in my house. Well, technically, it works if I am in my bathroom, by the sink, and I lean into the window a little.

I can call Martha. She is literally the only person in our family that doesn't have a "2" in her telephone number.

"Hello, Martha? Can you please call Mastercard for me and tell them I got that fraud alert notification, but I can't call them back due to the fact that they have a "1" in their number and the local operator can't dial a toll free number for me and the May flies are bad and I hate standing in the driveway on my cell phone? Thanks."

Did I mention that in Pawleys Island, SC the standard prefixes for all local numbers are 235 and 237??

Did I mention that in order to fix this problem I am going to have to essentially re-wire my house and spend a zillion dollars?

Don't be offended if I don't call you. But, please, call me....