Good Grief!

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my father's death. He spent the last three weeks of his life in a Hospice House - a wonderful, peaceful place, as I look back on it, but not so wonderful at the time it was all happening. It was hard to imagine that he would never go home again. As nice a place as the Robin Johnson house is, it still says "I am here because I am dying". I kept a journal while I was there...waiting. Some of these thoughts come from those musings. When Daddy was able to talk, he was as precious as always. He sang! On three separate occasions, he looked at me and started singing...."Remember me, I'm the one who loves you"....."Since you've been gone, My buddy"...."Me and My Shadow". All the while, trying to comfort those around him as he barely hung on to consciousness. Oh, I wanted to reminisce with him, to say "thank you" for some of the (many) important things he did for me, to laugh, to cry - but his ability to carry on a conversation was difficult. Lesson: don't wait to say it and when you say it - say it over and over again. It is a cliche, life is short - but so true! Even when we have a chance for a long goodbye, we are limited by time. Sadly, knowing this doesn't change the way I live: in a hurry, in a worry, precious time slipping away. What would I give to hold his hand? How can I live without his smile? He was my biggest fan, my encourager, the one and only man who I know loved me unconditionally and he was/is a great and everlasting blessing! Thank you, God, for giving me an earthly father of such value.
This is Daddy in his overalls and cowboy boots! Probably taken in about 1989.This is photo was taken probably 15 years later, as his health was really beginning to fail....but still, I can smell his after-shave and feel the warmth of his hand. I miss you, Daddy.

I will end with these words of comfort that a friend offered me -for all of us have loved and lost and as we each face daily struggles:

"My prayer is that the joy of the Lord will be your strength as you walk in the work that He has given you to do".

Amen. ~J