What I Am Thinking About Today

I miss you. I really do.

I have started a couple of new posts and then had to walk away...when I come back to them, they aren't very inspiring any more. I will save them for a rainy day.

Wait. Today IS a rainy day. Oh, well.

I am taking today "off". What this means is, I am still in my pajamas. It is noon. I didn't make my bed - yet. My dogs are staring at me. Sitting at my feet...

 They are thinking: Why are you sitting here? Why is it so quiet? When will you leave so we can go through the trash can? Why are you taking a photo of us with your phone?

I am enamored of my iPhone camera. And all the camera applications that make your photos look amazing. It has replaced my heavy, hard to use and understand, expensive Nikon camera. I took some house guests to Brookgreen Gardens last week...check this out:

 Taking  pictures with my beloved iPhone allowed me to find pleasure in this garden, despite the fact that my 8 year old son could not quit commenting on all the nudity. Have you ever noticed that sculpture of the human figure is most often nude? Did you know that sculptures of animals leave nothing to the imagination? Do you know how appealing this is to a young boy? Do you know how many references he made???? DO YOU???

Yes, there were signs everywhere asking you not to touch the sculpture. I am never going back.

My favorite, Erma Bombeck, once said that "If you can laugh at it, you can live through it" - thanks, Erma. I agree!

I didn't start out typing this blog with the intention of venting about life size bronze (male) animals with large...ah, well, anyway. As always, thanks for listening!

~J

Farewell Irene

After the Storm:

When the tide comes rolling in,

And the mighty oceans roar,
It can go on land so far
That is all, it goes no more.

When the storm clouds gather round us
And the great big raindrops fall,
Just so much will fall to earth
as it heeds the Master's call.

When the load becomes so heavy
That the body cries in pain,
Remember that this too will end
Like the ocean and the rain.

So adorn thyself with gladness,
Remember God is really there,
He takes time to feed the sparrow,
And He always answers prayer

Grateful for today.

~J

Embarrassing Facts About Me

Occasionally (well, a wee bit more than occasionally), I read US Magazine.

There.

I said it.

It is lame. It is poisonous. But, regardless, the magazine has this weekly column entitled "15 Things You Don't Know About Me".

OK. It might be "25 Things". But, honestly...I only read it occasionally!

Generally, it is 25 things about a celebrity that is young enough to be my child and of whom I have never heard.

(Quick question: Did I use "whom" correctly?)

Anyway, this column of poison is intriguing to me.

I want to know the things about other people that other people don't know about them.

It most certainly ties into my sick affection for pop culture and voyeurism and a deep need to feel like I belong. Or something.

Maybe I just like to laugh at those pubescent, misguided, extremely hungry billionaires.

I dunno.

BUT, this column has inspired me to ask myself, about myself - what are 15 things that nobody cares to know about me?


Here goes:

1. I do not read street signs. Or billboards. Or marquees. Or advertisements. Or classifieds. Or pretty much any of that kind of stuff. I don't read the Sunday ads. I read books, traffic signs, and US MAGAZINE (wink)! Exclusively. Marketing efforts are lost on me. I cannot explain this.

2. I have no idea where Skinny Margaritas are $3.00 or draft beer is $1.00, where Avon is sold, gas is cheap or who is open on Sunday OR where to get a flu shot....I have recently tried to read all the information aimed at me as it suddenly appears along the side of the road. While I am driving. WOW. I am missing out on some great gym memberships, buy-one-get-one free appetizers, fireworks deals, botox injections, tanning, hearing aids, free mattress delivery, photo reprints and 15% off Sunday buffets! But I keep my eyes on the road, folks.

3. I have an executive membership to Costco...which means absolutely nothing except that I spend zillions of dollars there every year!

It is a 45 minute drive from my house and I read every dang billboard on the way there and back. For now, anyway.

4. I hate wind. I have hated wind since my grandmother told me she was afraid of wind (during a horrible wind storm) when I was an impressionable 5 year old.

Hello, Irene! Thanks for blowing by my house this weekend....

5. This might be cheating a little, because I think most people already know this about me, but I have hundreds, I said hundreds, of trees in my yard that is situated along the coast...of South Carolina...where Hurricane Irene is coming to visit. With her WIND.


Killer trees...

6. I was reading an article (NOT in US Magazine, just so you know) about one of my favorite actresses, Julie Bowen of Modern Family. She says that "Children are like crazy, drunken small people in your house." LOL. LOL. LOL!!!

7. I run because of my fear of diabetes, my love for my sister, the hatred of my "lady belly" and because I have significant bone loss. In that order. What gets me through it is my music playlist on my iPod. I create music videos in my head. I star in all of them....I have performed in several Glee numbers, a Wicked performance, oh, and I rock Ke$sha, Rihanna and Brittany. You heard me. I get a STANDING OVATION EVERY TIME!

Don't laugh. I ran 4 miles this morning.

8. I skipped the elementary school Open House tonight. For the 3rd year in a row. BUT, I had my husband send a text to my son's teacher to offer to help "wherever I can"... True story.

9. I am considering taking up space here with an admission of guilt regarding street signs. However, I am not that brave.

10. I am totally in love with Michael.

11. I am in love with Carol Anne and Martha.
12. Rob embarrasses me while making me laugh at the same time - which is awkward for a parent.

13. I like to keep it real. No matter how painful. AND, nevertheless, I am totally in love with Rob.

14. One of my favorite memories from childhood is of seeing the Washington Monument for the first time. At night. I understand that it is now cracked in several places due to the rare earthquake. I also understand that President Obama says that it is "Bush's Fault" that caused it....HAHAHAHAHA!!

15. So, what is really apparent is that I am an republican executive member of Costco that has been surrounded my small drunken people for 22 years (however, I am in love with them) and is afraid of wind, road signs and lives vicariously through fantasy music videos!
I am so thankful to you for saving me $200 in counseling today.

Cheers to Irene!!

~J

What I Did This Summer: A Back to School Essay

This summer, I did not blog.

Duh.

There were too many other really awesome things to do....and too many distractions....like some extra people in my house....WRESTLING...


(Right at this moment, one of the previously-texting-extra-persons-in-my-house realizes that the annoying wrestling activity is being documented photographically and she announces that "Mom is going to put this on her blog!")

Duh.

Anyhoo, besides the irritating wrestling by the extra persons, there was food to eat...

(Thank you, God, for crab cakes sauteed in butter)


(Thank you, God, for spicy shrimp boil with summer corn)

And fish to catch...
(I don't know if it is as obvious to you as it is to me, but I might add that the tooth fairy visited our house 3 times this summer!)

And sunsets to enjoy...

(Please note that these are 2 different yet equally beautiful sunsets!)

And critters to terrorize...


And vacations to take with castles and stone manors and good friends and more fishing...


There were naps to take...
And birthdays, camp trips, house guests, sleep-overs, fireworks, sand castles, sharks teeth, roller-coasters and....(I saved this for last)....are you ready?....

Vacation Bible School.

Yes, that is me. Dressed as a panda.

Gimme a break.

After a short period of intense debriefing, followed by self-imposed isolation therapy and febreezing every surface of my house....

I'm back.

~J

PS Please don't test my blood alcohol level. Thanks.

Desktop Discoveries

We have a dinosaur-ish desktop computer in our kitchen/den. I use it on rare occasions when I need to see the school lunch menu or check the weather. Michael uses it to play Webkinz, hangman and to access iTunes (when he really wants to annoy me). Mike uses it to hunt and peck his way through a grad school paper. Most of us have our own lap top computer. So, the poor, oddly large and kind of loud, desktop machine is just....there.

Curiosity got the best of me this morning and I looked inside the old bugger to see what I could find....

1. Doodles. Really GOOD doodles.


Carol Anne, daughter #1 and one of the "big kids", used to doodle. A lot. Her doodles are really cool and she designed T-shirts for lots of folks back in the high school days. She still says things like, "Can I have that empty mayonnaise jar because I could decorate it and use it for something?"! She hasn't been doodling lately, though. And frankly, I am relieved that she forgot about the mayonnaise jar. It is in the recycling bin where it should rightfully be! However, if you know of a way to make a million dollars by doodling and decorating mayonnaise jars - I have got your girl!

2. Several files of photos with the label "Oldies".

This is "the doodler" back in the day so long ago that this photo belongs in the "oldies" folder...

And this one....this is my daddy....I think I have already posted this one, but seeing how he left this earth 2 years ago this week and seeing how I will never get over it....

Sigh.

3. I found a Power Point Presentation....never seen before by yours truly. It was tucked away in the document folder and the title caught my eye. "Why Daughters Need Their Mothers". It was a photo essay of sorts, a slide show, with photographs and subtitles. I can't figure out how to embed the slide show into this post. It isn't in my skill set along with scanning things into PDF format and placing them in zip files....

But it went something like this:

"To support them when they want to braid their hair for the 100th time"
" To make sure they don't wear the same sweatshirt everyday"
"To take them cool places"
"To teach them to love each other"
"To cheer them on in whatever they do"
"To teach them how to enjoy life"
"To tell them they are special"
"To laugh at them with their creepy boy obsessions. Mostly Martha"
"To hope they find cool friends like yours"
"To tell them to stay close to their family"
"Teach them to love God (send them to Jesus camps)"

I can't figure out which daughter authored this, but she is now my favorite child.

So, the ice-age era desktop is more like a dust collecting time capsule. I am never throwing it away. I recently acquired a DROPBOX. All one word. It cost money. But whenever I save something on my computer, it goes into my DROPBOX. I imagine this DROPBOX is up in heaven. When I get there, all my cool stuff will automatically be in the DROPBOX. In PDF format, in zip files, embedded......just in case I have to bury the dinosaur at sea. My memories and treasures are safe.

Amen!

~J

Give Me A Call!

As I am writing this, I should be at the gym....my head and heart know this but my legs won't cooperate. They like living under the protective cover of cellulite and sweatpants. Besides, in the last week, I have read literally every fashion magazine that is published in the United States and they all state that women "of a certain age" shouldn't wear shorts. However, one particular article stated that after the age of 75, women could begin to wear shorts again - with their purple and red hats, of course. At that point, shorts are cute. In the way that purple and red hats are cute.

Whatever.

The "1", and the "2" keys don't work on our home phone. Can we talk about this? It isn't the actual equipment that doesn't work....I replaced all our phones about 3 months ago due to the loud static in the line.

No one wants credit for these problems.

Not the phone company, the cable company, the custom home audio company or the alarm company.

They have all come to my house, run tests and claimed it to be ....MY PROBLEM! I can only make out-going calls to people without a "1" or a "2" in their number. OR I can call the operator and ask her to dial it for me. But only if it is a local call.

What did you say? Use my cell phone? Great idea. Only my cell phone doesn't work in my house. Well, technically, it works if I am in my bathroom, by the sink, and I lean into the window a little.

I can call Martha. She is literally the only person in our family that doesn't have a "2" in her telephone number.

"Hello, Martha? Can you please call Mastercard for me and tell them I got that fraud alert notification, but I can't call them back due to the fact that they have a "1" in their number and the local operator can't dial a toll free number for me and the May flies are bad and I hate standing in the driveway on my cell phone? Thanks."

Did I mention that in Pawleys Island, SC the standard prefixes for all local numbers are 235 and 237??

Did I mention that in order to fix this problem I am going to have to essentially re-wire my house and spend a zillion dollars?

Don't be offended if I don't call you. But, please, call me....

Honesty. Blogger Honesty.

I have been gone from my blog for a long time. Well, 6 weeks to be exact. In the world of serious bloggers - that is a long time. I am obviously not a serious blogger. Am I a serious blogger? I dunno. But 6 weeks is a long time. There are a lot of excuses and some of them are valid and some of them are lame. Therefore, I call it "a wash".

I have had many, many earth altering thought/experiences that SHOULD have been blog posts.

But I didn't blog about them.

Here is a short list of things I should have blogged about...but didn't:

1. The Cooper River Bridge Run. I ran it. Without stopping. In 1 hour, 14 minutes. With bronchitis. I add the "bronchitis" part, because I have to make excuses for myself. I didn't win. I wasn't planning to win, but it reminds me of the fact that I was one of the last to get picked for kick ball in middle school and I have to make an excuse for being nearly 50 years old and a slow runner. With bronchitis, by the way.

2. Michael Decatur Quinn's 8th birthday. He passed with flying colors. He bought the whole idea (marketed by me - tired, old mother) that he should invite 3 friends for a day of debacle in tacky Myrtle Beach.....Success. It took him at least 3 days to realize that "small party" equals "less gifts". Pray that I repackage the same idea next year without notice!?



3. Palm Sunday/Easter. I will never live so long that I don't love Palm Sunday and the children waving palms as they parade through the sanctuary singing "Hosanna". I will never live so long that my heart does not swell on Easter Sunday because Jesus Christ loved me so much, that He gave His life for me. AND, I can make a cross from a palm frond. Just saying.

4. Vacation. Decadent. Marvelous. Sun soaked.



5. Baseball. Michael plays. It is "coach-pitch". It is painful.


6. The "big kids" are home. There is a lot of drama. There are a lot of food requirements. There is a lot of laundry. There are bigger piles of mess. I hear voices in my head. I rely on sleep aids.

7. I cannot blog because of the sleep aids.

8. I can't find my sports bras.

9. My computer crashed, the dogs needed shots, I had a mammogram, the house was pressure-washed, Michael had 4 cavities, I have read 4 books, I planted my annuals and herbs, Martha's soccer team made the play-offs, I became obsessed with photographing the trees in my back yard and other stuff that I will not blog about because I am too embarrassed.


10. Finally, I have not blogged because I had a face-lift, tummy tuck and breast implants.

OK. #10 is a lie but I want to keep my 19 followers and I know that weird tree pictures might not do it.

Stick with me. I have new material. Besides the fact that Osama Bin Laden was assassinated, I have significant bone loss and I have been taking naps -things are picking up. I read Tina Fey's book. I am inspired to be sarcastic while offering life changing advice!! If nothing else, see #6! I promise there is good stuff coming.

It feels good to be back!

Ambien, take me away!

~J