Did I Tell You?

I have a little domestic improvement project going on at our house...a kitchen/den thing.

You know the expression "It gets worse before it gets better"?

Well, it is worse. Here. In my kitchen/den. Not better.

Yet.

In fact, all the stuff from the cabinets, shelves and bookcases, pantry, island and drawers has been in the middle of the dining room floor. Since January 1st.

We have been making coffee in the dining room.

The dining room is also where my wooden spoons are. And my spatulas. And my salt and pepper shakers.

I made a promise to myself that I would go through ALL THE STUFF before I put it back. No more chipped plates, weird electronic cords, half finished art projects, broken calculators or Latin dictionaries are going back in my beautifully redecorated kitchen/den!

Does anyone use a dictionary anymore? I mean with spellcheck and all....anyway, I have at least 10 of them so I decided to get rid of the Latin one. This is progress!

(Note: No one has studied Latin in this house in 8 years.)

Back to picking through my STUFF....

I found duplicate copies of a booklet called Did I Tell You? by Elizabeth Knapp.

I think I bought them in 1996.

One for each of my girls.

I needed to hang on to them for a while since they couldn't read in 1996 and they are meant for older daughters. I have carried them with me through several moves. Saving them and then forgetting where I put them.

They were in my kitchen/den cabinets.

It is a beautiful book(let).

Now that you are almost grown, I look back and ask myself - Did I tell you?

Did I tell you to laugh, to dance, to sing? There is a lot in life that is hard, but take it as it comes and find the good...and make time to dance!

Did I tell you to serve other people if only in a small way. There is growth and satisfaction in being part of something larger than yourself and your life will be richer knowing this.

Did I tell you to be bold...be cautious...love unconditionally...be courteous...work for what you believe...


Did I tell you?


There is more, but I don't want to spoil it for my beautiful daughters.

I hope they listen to these wise words.

If there is one thing I know for certain, it is that I want for them a good life.

My family. Is my life.

Thank you, God.

Didn't mean to leave little Michael out....

Who knows what else I might find in the dining room floor! I hope it is a little magic fairy that will finish the job with a wave of its wand!

More later...

~J

Mop Handle Musings

I love that I am still learning about myself.

It would be so boring to occupy this body/mind, day after day, and already know everything there is to know about it.

Recently, I went to the hardware store to purchase a newer, better kitchen mop. I chose the hardware store over and above Walmart or something because I believed there would be a better selection of mops to choose from. I stood in front of the dozen or more mop choices for 30 minutes.

Cotton? Poly?

16" or 18" or 24"?

Twist mop?

And the mop handle...how long? Plastic clamp at the end or metal?

Some of them looked sturdier than others. Some were "lint free" and others were labeled "big, thirsty".

I really gave this mopping issue some thought.

I made the decision. And then I needed a new bucket. They were on another aisle.

I was super focused. Doing the right thing by my mop.

There were a lot of bucket choices, too.

Dang! Buckets are expensive. I really wanted the one that wrings out your 18", all cotton mop head, for you. It was $69. Instead, I wisely chose a different one.

Mission accomplished, 45 minutes later, bucket and mop head and mop handle in hand (plus a some de-greaser, granite cleaner and other extras), I turn to walk to the check out counter.....

And the back end of the long mop handle rips across the shelf and about 50 stocked items crash to the floor.

I turned to see the disaster....

And the mop handle takes another 50 stocked items off the other shelf....

I look around, thinking I am being filmed for America's Funniest Home Videos.

No such luck. No camera. Just me and a mess.

So this is my latest "I am still learning about me" lesson:

I try really hard at life. I am focused, goal-oriented, thoughtful and motivated.

But even when I am productively making headway, I am inadvertently knocking a whole bunch of other stuff off the shelf. Mainly because I am TOO focused on the finish line and not paying attention my surroundings.

Yes?

Yes!

It is the circle of life. Or the circus of life. Or the (short) circuits of life.

My motives are good, people.

The results don't always reflect my good motives, but that is why I need grace. And mercy.

Please accept my humble apologies if you have ever been in the wake of my mop handle.

I may never change. I may write this chapter and continue on in my overly focused, blindly ambitious manner but I am going to try and slow down and notice my surroundings a little more.

Which ain't so bad, you know?!


Have a good weekend!

~J

For Chrisie

I need to interrupt my regularly scheduled blog to make a statement. A statement NOT about the beauty of Fall or my love of pumpkins. I want to make a statement about the fragility of life.

I know....what a cliche, Jeanne.

Sometimes, only a cliche will do. Sometimes, hurtful, scary things are best swallowed when overly simplified.

I like jigsaw puzzles.

I am currently working on a particularly difficult one. It seems to be all the same color. It is much bigger than I thought when I bought it. The light is not good in the room where I am working. There is a glare by day and a dimness by night. But I will keep at it. Probably will be "at it" for months.

Instead of getting discouraged and putting it back in the box, I am having fun with it. It is a challenge.

Instead of worrying about the fact that the ugly card table may still be in my den for Thanksgiving....I am going to stay with it.

Forrest Gump was wrong. Life isn't a box of chocolates!

It is a jigsaw puzzle.

Difficult to understand. A challenge to finish. Sometimes entertaining. Sometimes rewarding. Messy. Tedious. Imperfect until completion.

I don't know any person that is "whole". I think wholeness should be our goal and each and every one of us is searching for it. But some of us are being persecuted, some of us are being abused, some of us are scared, some are lost, some are sick, some are fragile, some are insecure, some are too poor, some too rich, too selfish, too tired, too angry, too addicted, too weak, too strong. We all have pieces missing. Me and you.

It is part of the condition of being human.

Some things about us are great....

And some things aren't!

Even the weakest - even the sickest - all of us - has hope for healing. The chance to overcome. Because the quest for wholeness IS, in fact, the journey of life. The puzzle is always being worked on.

Only God is perfect. Only God has it all figured out. Only God can fix it, judge it, forgive it, and reconcile it. This is good news, friends. It frees up a lot of time on your daily schedule when you quit trying to be God.

All we need is a willing attitude, a large dose of patience, TRUST, and a heart open to receive it.

This is the one thing I believe in. Without doubt.

Everything else is like quicksand. My marriage, my children, my perceived successes, friendships, goods, services, pumpkins....

Of course, we have responsibilities. We have to take the first step. And then another. And so on. One piece at a time. But life is fragile. And short - in the great "cosmic scheme" of things. Keep working the puzzle. Don't be discouraged. Don't expect it to be perfect all at once.

THE END IS NEAR.

HAHA!! That last part was kind of a joke. I can't be too serious for too long. I get uncomfortable.

I just needed to preach this today because I needed to hear it from myself. Weird psychology? Probably.

I started this blog with the proclamation that it was for the purpose of  "putting me in touch with myself" (or some jargon like that). This was an attempt at that goal.

Tomorrow, I am back to shallow things like pasta.

~J

My Kind of Place

If I was a place....

I would be this place...

 Please tell me you understand. Corn stalks? Gourds? Heirloom Pumpkins? Hay bales????

 Fall flowers....more cool, funky pumpkins...

 So far, in the last couple of weeks, I have spent a small fortune on pumpkins.

On my last visit to the place that is me personified, I took some pictures (obviously... sometimes I say the dumbest things). But there was another dude there with a camera, too. He had a fancy camera. I had my iPhone. We snapped away in silence. Then, I gave out an audible sigh. In response, he said "Gorgeous, huh?" and I said, "If I could actually BE a place, I would be THIS place".

He looked at me kind of funny and backed away.

Garden stores are simply cool. Any way you look at it.

Inlet Culinary Garden in Murrells Inlet is a great place any time of the year. Go by and see for yourself. But go now. While the ghost of me is floating among the hay bales....

This is not a paid advertisement. But I did ask permission to use the photos!

Enjoy the day and the good things that God has given us. Especially, well, you  know...pumpkins!!!

Be still my heart.

~J

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Falling for Fall!

Just this evening...

Martha: "Our house looks like Fall just 'threw up' everywhere"....

Martha (my ex-daughter) doesn't seem to understand that I LOVE Fall. It is "my" season. I prefer to decorate with autumn leaves and acorns rather than balsam and tinsel. Twigs! Pinecones! Scarecrows! Oh, my!

I don't know if it is because I was born in Fall, or because I have raised 4 children and Fall is the season when they all go back to school...but it is perfection.

Maybe it is because Fall means pumpkins, pot roast, wood smoke, decaying leaves, pansies, pasta and homecoming parades.

 Oh, and candy. Halloween candy. And for me - birthday cake!

I don't want to forget to mention that Fall is also the season of COMPETITION CHEERLEADING.

I will be getting my "Cheer Mom" on for the next 6 weeks. Every weekend. For the next 6 weeks. Did I mention it will be every weekend? For 6 weeks? I thought so.

I am dedicating the next few blogs to my season. I don't know if I can properly photograph an October sky - but there is nothing more beautiful.

For much of the last decade, I thought I had lost the love of Fall forever. After Jim died, I became incredibly melancholy every year when the air turned cooler and the leaves changed color. A sense of loss permeated my thoughts and jiggled my memories. But more recently, the melancholy shifted to profound acceptance and a deeper appreciation for the gift of life, the changing of seasons and the pleasures of deeply inhaling cooler, crisper air!

Plus, the special foods we eat and pumpkins. Football. Turkey. Dressing. Gun fire in my back yard. Mums. Thankfulness. Orange (no not Clemson orange - just orange). Fire pits. No gnats. Red wine. Fall Break. Cardigans. Cowboy boots.

Add some of your own to the list....I am just getting started!

~J

Ode to My 40's

 Credit to Gavin DeGraw:

I don't need to be anything other
Than a (Salesman's daughter) 

I don't need to be anything other

Than a (Administrative Assistant's daughter) 

I don't have to be anyone other
Than the birth of two souls in one
Part of where I'm going, is knowing where I'm coming from

[Chorus:]
I don't want to be
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me


The point being.... that yesterday was my birthday and I am not one bit sorry to be OLDER. I am blessed to have the opportunity to celebrate another birthday. And the greatest part about the last decade has been the realization that I don't want to be anything other than me. That is true freedom.


Being born, means growing older by the minute. It means coming into an earthly family - the good, the bad and the other stuff, too. I am a daughter, sister, mother, wife....

Thank you for allowing me this opportunity to be a little wistful and serious on this momentous occasion of the day of my birth.

~J

My Brain at 3:00 AM

Why is it that when the phone rings in the middle of the night, your heart starts pounding and you can't stop thinking horrible thoughts and then you never go back to sleep...and then you do fall back asleep and you dream about something disturbing and you wake back up and then you fall back asleep and then the alarm clock starts ringing and you hate life???

Why?

Bad days follow bad nights. Because you are sleepy. Over nothing horrible.

Would this happen if I had not become a mother? Because I always think, at 3:00 AM, when the phone rings and scares me out of a deep sleep, that it is bad news about my children - or a family member. But mostly my children.

And why is it that everything seems like a big deal at 3:00 AM? Do you ever toss and turn all night, obsessing over some matter that popped into your sleep deprived brain, only to laugh at it in the light of day?

What if Michael chokes on a hard taco shell? What if he drops out of school, grows facial hair and joins the circus?

 What if Carol Anne is attacked by a chicken? And contracts bird flu?

What if Rob has a sun stroke, while tossing a mullet and continues to dress like this, ON PURPOSE, for the rest of his life? What if he actually likes tossing mullet???

What if, on a beautiful sunny day, we are on the beach, and decide to bury Martha, up to her head, in the sand? And, what if, to be funny, we put a bucket on her head?

What if we forgot her? What if we left her there...

Martha?

Martha, where are you??

I hate when the phone rings in the middle of the night.

Don't you?

~J

PS Tomorrow is both my favorite day and my least favorite day of the year...stay tuned!